Flirting by text
What Is Sexting? Flirty, Private and Always by Consent
What it means, how to ask first, how to keep your pictures private and how to keep it fun for you both.
Sexting is sending sexy or flirty messages, and sometimes pictures or video, by phone or computer. Between adults it can be playful, but it only works when both of you want it, and anything you send can be copied. Ask first, send only what you could live with others seeing, and stop at the first no.
The word itself
What counts as sexting?
The word is a blend of sex and text, and Dictionary.com says it was first recorded between 2005 and 2010. Cambridge Dictionary describes it as sending text messages that are about sex or meant to excite someone. Planned Parenthood, the US sexual health provider, says people do it to share what they want and what they fantasise about, or just to have fun.
Healthline’s medically reviewed article calls it a broad term, and lists what a sext can include:
- Text messages
- Audio notes
- GIFs
- Emojis
- Photos
- Video
It can be words alone, and words travel lighter than pictures: a message shows no face, no room and no tattoo.
Consent first
How to start sexting: ask first, then keep asking
A flirty message is an invitation, never an entitlement.
Planned Parenthood’s advice is to always ask permission before sending someone any kind of message that is sexual or explicit. RAINN, the US sexual violence charity, calls consent clear, voluntary and ongoing, so a yes to one message is not a yes to the next, and anyone can change their mind at any point.
Unwanted messages are common enough to deserve the pause. In a July 2022 survey, the Pew Research Center found that 38% of US dating site and app users had been sent a sexually explicit message or image they did not ask for, rising to 56% for women under 50.
So start light and let the answer set the pace. Silence is not a yes, and RAINN says to respect a no even when it is quiet, indirect or nonverbal. A few lines that work:
- “Are you in the mood for something flirty?”
- “Is this okay?”
- “Tell me if I go too far.”
- “We can stop any time. Just say.”
Healthline’s verdict: no rules beyond keeping everyone’s boundaries in mind. The casual dating rules cover the manners around it.
Keep it yours
Is sexting safe? Four habits that keep it yours
ODDA, the dating industry’s trade body, puts it bluntly: once something is sent, you can’t take it back. Healthline quotes an expert who says things do not die on the internet.
Agree the rules first
Say before you send that the chat stays between the two of you. You can ask someone to delete it, but Healthline’s expert reminds us everything can be screenshotted, so agreement counts for more.
Pick the channel
Healthline says standard text messaging is the easiest way to sext and not the safest. Think about who else can pick up your phone, and theirs. Weighing up a dedicated service? Our guide to sexting sites and apps picks that up.
Mind the background
Healthline advises keeping identifiable marks, addresses and buildings out of any picture, even with someone you trust. The Electronic Frontier Foundation adds that a photo’s hidden data can include when and where it was taken. Healthline’s workaround: a picture of the setting instead of yourself.
Stay clear-headed
Healthline suggests starting, or staying, sober so you can think straight about your boundaries. ODDA says never feel pressured to share photos; if you do, speak up or stop. More on privacy in the discreet dating guide.
The legal bit
What the law says, in plain words
General information, not legal advice: the main rules in England and Wales and the United States.
England and Wales
Under the Online Safety Act 2023, sharing someone’s intimate image without their consent is an offence unless you reasonably believe they agree, and so is threatening to share one, even if no image exists. Sending someone a sexual picture they did not ask for, to upset them or recklessly, is the separate offence of cyberflashing. Both have applied since 31 January 2024.
United States
The federal TAKE IT DOWN Act, which became law in May 2025, makes it a crime to knowingly publish an intimate image of an identifiable adult, made or obtained with a reasonable expectation of privacy, when publishing is meant to cause harm or does. It covers AI-made fakes and threats to publish. Saying yes to a picture being taken is not saying yes to it being posted. Many states have their own laws too.
Anyone under 18
This guide is for adults. Planned Parenthood notes that it is against the law to share sexual images of anyone under 18, and Naughty Singles is for people aged 18 and over.
For advice on your own situation, speak to the police or a legal adviser.
When it goes wrong
If a picture goes where it should not, do this
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Ask the platform to take it down
The FTC says to ask the site or app hosting the image to remove it, and that covered platforms must act within 48 hours. If one does not, report it at TakeItDown.ftc.gov.
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Use StopNCII.org
This charity tool for adults, run by SWGfL in the UK, makes a digital fingerprint of your image on your device and shares only that with partner platforms, which look for matches. It cannot remove images from the whole internet. For a picture taken when you were under 18, it points to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children’s Take It Down service.
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Tell the police
In the US, the FTC says to report to local police and the FBI. In the UK, tell the police; SWGfL runs a helpline for adults.
Being blackmailed? Do not pay, and do not give access to your accounts or devices. The FTC says to block the person, cut off contact and report it, and warns that some firms falsely promise to stop sextortion threats. The FBI says shame and fear often stop people reporting, so tell someone. Our guide to spotting a fake profile shows how these chats begin.
On the site
How Naughty Singles handles pictures and pushy senders
- Sensitive images arrive blurred, with a warning, so you choose whether to look.
- Blocking is instant, reporting is easy and people staff support 24/7.
- Screening on upload uses AI and human review, and unauthorised content gets a swift takedown.
- Everyone shown in an upload must have agreed to appear and must be an adult.
A blur protects what lands on your screen. It cannot recall a message you have sent, and everything can be screenshotted. The safety page lists every tool, adult chat shows how messaging works, and the features page has the rest. The guides hub holds more plain answers.
Sexting questions, answered
What is sexting in simple terms?
Sexting is sending flirty or sexual messages, and sometimes pictures or video, to someone by phone or computer. It can be a few suggestive words or something more, and both people have to want it. Planned Parenthood says it must always be consensual and respectful.
Is sexting safe?
It is safer with good habits and never entirely without risk. Ask first, agree that the messages stay between you, keep faces and identifying details out of pictures, and remember that anything can be screenshotted. Nobody should feel pressured, and you can stop at any point.
How do you start sexting?
Start by asking, not assuming. Check the chat has been flirty on both sides, then try a light line such as asking whether they are in the mood for something flirty. Let their answer set the pace, and drop it the moment they hesitate or go quiet.
What does the law say about sexting?
Consent and age are what the law cares about. In England and Wales, sharing someone’s intimate image without consent, threatening to, or sending an unrequested sexual picture can be an offence. The US TAKE IT DOWN Act covers publishing such images without consent, and sharing sexual images of anyone under 18 is against the law. General information, not legal advice.
What if someone sends me a picture I did not ask for?
You owe the sender nothing. On Naughty Singles, sensitive images arrive blurred with a warning, and you can block the sender instantly and report them. In England and Wales, sending a sexual picture to upset someone, or recklessly, is the offence of cyberflashing.
Keep it flirty and keep it yours
Chat at your own speed, with blur, block and report close at hand.
Start flirting